A Birthday Wish

Last night I reflected on what was going on exactly 17 years ago when I had excitedly awaited the birth of my baby. He was to be induced the next day - and I sat and wondered, with a strange mixture of fear and joy what he would be like. I had been told that there were considerable odds that he was either going to have down syndrome or dwarfism, based on testing that had occurred during my pregnancy. That night though, I had the power of positive thought and could not wait to meet my little one, no matter what 'condition' he had. The next day a physically beautiful 'normal' boy was born.

Last night I could feel that excitement and power of positive thinking, and was desperately trying to reconnect to those feelings. Earlier in the evening my son had threatened me in a text and had suggested I bring police home when I returned because he could not guarantee my safety. The reason? I had given his father his cell phone number so his Dad could find out what he wanted for his birthday.

My son has not wanted to speak with his father for 2 years and has avoided him like the plague - angry because his father did not enter into his life until he was 9 years old. They had about 6 years of a fluctuating but tolerable relationship and then poof - my son claimed his father was trying too little too late.

I am writing this blog because I want my son to get help. He has a long history of 'divergent behaviour'. At this point there are 3 routes - 1) Do nothing - hoping he 'hits bottom safely' and turns himself around; 2) He is diagnosed and medicated; or 3) He is arrested and incarcerated so he can 'get it'. Great choices aren't they?

Any of us who have seen the Ashley Smith story - a teen who went into youth detention for 30 days and never came out, would not want to pursue in the incarceration route: http://www.oci-bec.gc.ca/rpt/oth-aut/oth-aut20080620-eng.aspx. The 'let him hit bottom' and drug therapy are not resonating at all with me right now.

We desperately need new alternatives that are innovative and affordable. What are they? For my son this would be a place that would combine a rather odd assortment of activities such as, working with animals and plants AND a high level of intellectual debate. This place would have highly skilled staff who would not use 'talk therapy' but who had that magical ability to invisibly delve into and bring lights into the deep and dark inner caves. Gently and skillfully they could help these teens release the stories of abuse and injustice that have been collecting in their DNA for many generations.

The final ingredient would be the deep listening with these young people to why they are so angry and what changes they are signaling that we need to make. From there, these young leaders could be assisted in creatively reflecting back what and why we need to change in our society - and with a glimmer of how we can make these changes. This glimmer is a much needed flicker of hope that others could see and connect to. Through these glimmers, teens such as my son would light an inner fire that would lead them to their next steps in life - with the ability to feel again without the daily weed, arrests, expulsions and rage that is escalating out of control. When are WE going to 'get it'?

This is the birthday wish a have for my son.